"Well, I declare!"

July 26th marks one year since learning I had cancer.  I only knowingly had it for about eight weeks, and it was taken care of swiftly and expertly.  After surgery, I  was and still am completely fine.  It happened.  It’s over.  

I’ve been mentally aware of the anniversary coming and have gotten out ahead of it with rational, reality-based mantras to remind me that I’m okay and that even when I wasn’t, things eventually turned out to be okay thanks to medical science, a grand support system, and old fashioned good juju.  Despite all that, my neck went rogue for a few days, completely seizing up with a vigor previously unseen.  

“Your poor neck is stuck.  Your hippy friend says to send it love.”  Michelle always has things like this to say.  

I’ve had issues with my neck since a 1996 car accident, but this particular seize was in a different spot and had an intensity that could only be described as a stress response.  It was so stiff, a warning sign through bars.  I acknowledged it and tried the usual stretching and heat massage pad (neither much help) for a few days before Michelle’s advice started to make a lot of sense, if only as a desperation tactic.  

So I sent my neck love.  I added kindness for good measure.  I hear the phrase “loving kindness” in a few meditations I do from time to time, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to throw a combo.  Having recently started a gratitude journal on my phone, I remembered to thank my neck for doing whatever it thought it was supposed to do by bracing me for some unknown awful thing yet to happen and gently reminded it that I was okay and there were no plans to be not okay that I could foresee.  

I did this while on a drive out to The Old Lucketts Store - an annual summer treat I embark on for myself.  I thought these thoughts and even said some of them out loud.  And then I enjoyed a playlist I’d forgotten I made and got lost in a few songs I hadn’t heard in forever.  

Hours later on the return drive home, I noticed my neck had stopped hurting.  And I mean, it had vanished into thin air, as if I had made up the entire problem from such.  As my grandmother used to say, “Well, I declare!” 

Other tricks I’ve acquired recently:  Did you know that the internet works because of incredibly long submarine fiber optic cables running across the

ocean floor between continents?  I just learned this because of a Jeopardy! clue after which I demanded that Matt pause the TV for me to say a lot

of, “wait…WHAT?” followed by quick thumbed Google searches that indeed informed me that it is so.  I also

discovered that I’m not the only one who has asked this question, as every single one of my follow-up questions

auto-filled in the search bar within two or three words.  So forgive me if this is old news but this music-tracked mind

has a lot of new thoughts, beginning with:

Haven’t we messed with the ocean enough?  Have you seen the Indian Ocean’s trash current?  

Is this seriously how the internet is working?  It’s simply plugged into these cables?  

Not that I know much about what “the cloud” actually is, but I had accepted it as an explanation for how the

internet worked until now and I’m not sure I can settle for this other…straightforward idea.  

People dive down there to fix stuff when something goes wrong with the cables.  What a horrifying job. 

How many people do you think worldwide are employed under the ocean cables conglomerate?

This idea was preceded by telephone cables in the 1850s.  I must’ve slept through a lot of high school.  

This reminds me of Seinfeld making fun of the moon landing…”There is no more male idea in the history of

the universe than: ‘Why don’t we fly up to the Moon and drive around?”  Hooking cables this long together seems

sorta the same. 

Most of my thoughts boil down to simply not having previous thoughts about how these things work.  I guess

I’m not a “how things work” thinker which opens up a whole other can of worms worth of thoughts. 

I’m taking an archery class!  I took an intro class back in May and loved it so much that I signed up for a four-week

beginner’s class.  It’s 40 minutes from our house and requires a beautiful country drive to Fountainhead Park off the

Potomac, after which I get out of the car and stand around trees and nature and don’t hear anything but birdsong

mixed with the “phhhtk” of the arrow leaving the bow and the “pock” of it hitting the target.  Unless the target is an

inflated balloon - an even more exclamatory “puh!” - or the “pak” of a paper plate.  I’ve only been twice but have

not wanted either time to end.  I really enjoy the consistency it requires, being such a fan of stability and repetition. 

I’ve picked up a few tips already and have a great deal of curiosity for learning more about it.  I think the

intermediate course is in my future.  

I’m now a proud subscriber to the New York Philharmonic.  I have a “Choose Your Own” subscription and have

chosen four concerts to attend over the next year.  So, I’m guaranteed to be in NYC four times minimum between

now and next April which feels very adventurous and cozy and twirl-y. This completely stems from the amazing

experience of hearing the NYP last October in their new hall performing "The Pines of Rome", among other

wonderful pieces. It was a pivotal moment in my moving on from the stress of everything that had just happened. 

The first trip for this purpose is strategically planned on my “cancer free” anniversary of September 29th.  

I had an emergency root canal yesterday.  For the first time ever, I had an old-fashioned toothache.  I feel like toothaches are old-fashioned.  It was terrible.  All I could think of while I was having one was that I wished someone could just knock me out with one of those giant boxing gloves hooked to the springy lattice thing or tie one of those cartoon-looking ice bags around my head up against my mouth.  No amount of ibuprofen or acetaminophen made a dent.  It turned out to be an infected tooth due to an earlier failed root canal.  Have you had a root canal?  They’re pretty intense.  But I’m now thankful they exist.  When I got the original one, I got it because I was advised to, not because I was in immediate pain.  The immediate pain really helped my perspective; medical science is a wonder and I have been on the lucky side to access great care when needed.  

Do you think I should maybe invest in a bubble to live in during the last few days of July?  The emergency root canal literally the day before my “you’ve got cancer” anniversary sorta threw me.  I tried to send loving kindness to my tooth, but it seemed to prefer two hours of drilling and prodding to get the hint.  Maybe the universe is trying to tell me to let go of the idea of anniversaries for things like this…like, stop paying so much attention to it, it’s just a day, good and bad stuff happens on all of them.  Maybe?  

After 21 years with the same beloved, well-worn, outlet-find couch from a store long out of business, we now have a new-to-us couch that is large enough for the whole family to flop on - the only requirement I wanted.  Part of it even has a bed, which will be fun for future kid sleepovers.  And I drove a huge box truck to go and get it and I can’t stress enough how fun *that* was!  I rented a much-bigger-than-needed one from Home Depot and returned it early enough that they refunded me some money and I wasn’t totally kidding when I asked if they were hiring truck drivers. 

 

Did you really know about the fiber optic ocean internet cables?

Speaking of otherwise boring furniture upgrades…I bought this super hip shelf during my Old Lucketts Store browse!  Isn’t it fun?!  I’m picking it up later this week with a dear friend who can access a truck situation, though I truly did consider the Home Depot truck again just for kicks.  

We added some whimsy to our home with a chalkboard-painted wall.  In 2019 we went to Maine and stayed in an

Airbnb that had a huge kitchen wall with chalkboard paint.  Arthur was two and it was one of the many fun, sweet

memories from that trip and it’s been in my head as a loose plan ever since.  So far we're using it for quotes and

doodles of baseballs, but I'm sure it will evolve. Come over and draw on that (one) wall soon!

Arthur inexplicably turns seven on Friday.  We’re throwing the exact same party as last year except everyone is a

year older and can presumably squeal louder. He’s so excited and I’m excited to be much more mentally present for

it this year vs. last, even though I’m still processing the flight of time.  

Until next time the fiber optic underwater cables transmit, I’m signing off. 

<warbly water bubble sounds>